“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed, by their Creator, with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”
Continental Congress – July 4, 1776
Well… Hot Diggity Dog!! Sounds like ya’ll folks got some explaining to do. In this multi-part article, we will detail and give a numerical score based on how our Presidents have lived up to this declaration through 247 years of democracy. The following scale will be used…
10 – You can sit next to the table and watch while we play a couple of hands of bid whisk.
9 – You are able to use the word “Bro” in front of us.”
8 – You can bring something to the barbecue and we’ll put it on the table with the other food.
7 – We will wave at you if we see you on the street.
6 – We won’t side-eye or sass if you bring a watermelon to our family dinner.
5 – You can leave with a little bit of your dignity after saying “My Nigga.”
4 – If we hear you calling for help, we will call the police after we have charged our phone.
3 – We will count to three before we let the dogs out if you come to our house.
2 – We won’t pee on your statue during daylight hours.
1 – Faque Off!!
So during our illustrious 247 years of democracy, there have been 46 presidential elections, but only 45 presidents. That’s because Grover Cleveland served two non-consecutive terms in 1884 and 1892. The establishment of the office of the president went through several proposals, including a council of executives, and a council of executives chosen by Congress. Because they wanted the office of the president to be accountable to the people, but insulated from the whims of the masses and the pressures exerted by Congress, they settled on the Electoral College. This method involved circumventing the direct election of the President by either Congress or the public. From the beginning, presidents have brought their attitudes and prejudices regarding race into office with them, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst.
Please enjoy Hill1news as we examine their racial legacies in the installment, “By The Numbers.”
George Washington – 2
We won’t pee on your statue during daylight hours.
This president was more racist than not. He owned… no enslaved… 300 people at his Virginia plantation in Mount Vernon and 9 other people at his home in Philadelphia. After his appointment as general of the Continental Army, he banned all African American from joining the Continental Army. He wanted only white men to fight for him. In 1777 he had a change of heart because of low recruitment and because the British were offering African American freedom if they fought on their side. Now African Americans were a valuable asset, because one, they knew the countryside they were fighting in, and two, they hated being slaves. They were sneaking around showing British soldiers everything they knew and shooting colonials in the back left and right. Washington had no choice but to change his mind. After the war was over, the promise of freedom to African Americans fighting on the American side was rescinded and they were returned to slavery. In 1780 Pennsylvania enacted the Gradual Abolition Act. The law said that slaves belonging to non-residents could petition for freedom after 6 consecutive months of enslavement if they were in Pennsylvania. Well, Washington was a resident of Virginia. So in order to keep his Pennsylvania slaves in bondage, he took them out of Pennsylvania every 5 months and 29 days, thereby resetting the 6 months enslavement period. Now, I know too many of you these types of behaviors should be a category 1, “Faque Off!!,” but after all, he was our first president, and the rumor about him using slave teeth in his dentures is probably not true. I mean do you think for one second a racist would take something out of a black heathen nigra’s mouth and put it into his? I don’t think so…
Racist: “Mr. Washington!! Are those black nigra teeth in yo mouth!!??”
Washington: “Hell No!! These teeth come from a gawd fearing white man, who was born on the Anglo-Saxon continent of Europe and who died on the battlefield of Concord, felled by a despicable bullet in the back by some scoundrel sneaking around!! I plucked these teeth out myself!! Yahoo!!!”
John Adams – 5
You can leave with a little bit of your dignity after saying “My Nigga.”
Most people are reflections of their times. Presidents are no different. In 1797 when John Adams was president there was a slave population of around 700,000 out of 5 million, or roughly 1 in 7 people in the United States were slaves. At this juncture in history, you would expect any person of means would have an enslaved person working for him or her. Not John Adams however. Adams owned no enslaved people and was morally against slavery. So why didn’t I let him watch us play whisk? In 1791 under Toussaint L’Ouverture and other revolutionary leaders, Haiti began a massive slave revolt. During this time the Adams administration imposed an embargo on Haiti because of concerns that the revolution might inspire enslaved people in the United States to rise up against their own oppressors. By 1804, the Haitian revolutionaries were finally able to defeat the French forces and declare Haiti an independent nation. The Haitian Revolution was the only successful slave revolt in modern history. America finally recognized Haiti as an independent nation in 1862, thirty-six years after Adam’s death in 1826. Because of that successful revolt in 1791, Haiti has been boxed out of the world’s economic progress and today is one of the poorest countries in the world, and the poorest in the western hemisphere with a GDP of $1194. The GDP of the US is $22 trillion.
Whisk Player: “I bid a five no…”
Adams: “Ugh… my nigga…”
Whisk Player: “If you say that again Ima open up a can of 911 on yo azz!!”
Whisk Player 2: “and Ima cook it in a pot of hurt and pain…”
Whisk Player 3: “and then Ima wash the dishes in a sink of boiling hot stank stank…”
Whisk Player 4: “and Ima take the trash out and put it in the dumpster on Bigfoot and Stump Avenue…”
Like I said… a little bit of dignity…
Thomas Jefferson – 3
We will count to three before we let the dogs out if you come to our house.
Thomas Jefferson owned slaves throughout all his life. In fact, he owned hundreds of enslaved individuals during his lifetime, including some who were inherited from his father and father-in-law, and he also purchased more enslaved people during his lifetime. Despite his ownership of enslaved people, Jefferson was also known for his writings and advocacy of individual rights, for instance… “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed, by their Creator, with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Now although Jefferson was critical of the institution of slavery and, believed that it should be abolished, he did nothing to free his own enslaved individuals or advocate for the abolition of slavery. I guess I wouldn’t either if I had some young chicken in the backroom that I slipped into while Mrs. Adams wasn’t watching. Im talking about Sally Hemings. Sally Hemings was an enslaved woman who was owned by Jefferson and was the half-sister of Jefferson’s wife, Martha. Jefferson had a sexual relationship that began when Hemings was a teenager and lasted for five decades. She had six children with him. The relationship was widely rumored during Jefferson’s lifetime but was not widely acknowledged until after his death. Sally Hemings was never freed. However, after Jefferson’s death, she was allowed to live in Charlottesville with her two sons, Madison and Eston, who were granted freedom in Jefferson’s will. Sally Hemings died in 1835 at the age of 62. The location of her grave is unknown.
Jefferson: (Knock knock knock…) “Hello My name is Thomas…”
Homeowner: “Ima count to three. One…” (Bark, Bark, Bark, Snap, Snap, Snap, Growl Growl, Growl… Chase, Chase, Chase..)
James Madison – 3
We will count to three before we let the dogs out if you come to our house.
James Madison owned slaves. Like many other Virginia plantation owners of his time, he owned enslaved people who worked on his estate, Montpelier. There were over 100 enslaved people on his estate. Despite his ownership of slaves, Madison did express some concerns about the institution of slavery and the long-term viability of slavery in the United States. He was against slavery intellectually, however, he never took any significant steps to end slavery. Although James Madison supported laws that permitted slave owners to free their enslaved workers without needing the consent of state or local officials, he did not free any of his own enslaved workers. Now Madison consistently opposed the African slave trade, but in his later years, he supported the expansion of slavery into new territories in the West. His antislavery beliefs were often compromised due to a combination of political pressures, economic interests, concerns about preserving the unity of the nation, and his belief that tensions between whites and free Blacks would prevent peaceful coexistence. He was a ball of confusion. These days we call that talking out the side of yo mouth…
Madison: “Hello.. my name is…”
Homeowner: “Woof!! Woof!! Woof!!, Chase!! Chase!! Chase!! , Snap!! Snap!! Snap!!”
James Monroe -3
We will count to three before we let the dogs out if you come to our house.
Like the previous four presidents, Monroe enslaved people all his life. He relied on enslaved labor to work his plantation, which was located in Albemarle County, Virginia. He is also known as one of the Founding Fathers. The founding fathers” refers to the last few U.S. Presidents who were active during the American Revolution and played a role in drafting the United States Constitution. Monroe was governor of Virginia during Gabriel’s Rebellion in 1800. That blue link will take you to a story I wrote about it a couple of years ago. So without too much backstory, Gabriel an enslaved blacksmith with high intelligence planned a rebellion and almost got away with it, except for one thing. Somebody ratted him out on his way to Monroe’s house. They surrounded those poor nigras and… well… I don’t want to talk about it… you can read the story. Anywho, after Gabriel and his men were caught Monroe asked his good friend Thomas Jefferson for advice, Jefferson was Vice President at the time. He asked him how long should the ropes be… short and quick, or long and dangling…? Well he didn’t ask him like that, but he wanted to know what should the severity of the punishments be. Now so as to not give away the story, I will tell you that Jefferson wrote back a reply. Although there were hundreds of enslaved people chastised by racists over the course of a few days, only 70 were ultimately found guilty of a crime. The rebellion made the Virginia General Assembly pass severe measures to control the free and enslaved African-American communities, and based on his writings, the event shifted Monroe’s attitudes toward slavery… in other words… “Y’all got me $##@ up!
Mrs. Monroe: “Honey are you getting ready to go over there to see the nigras?”
Monore: “Yes honey baby. I’m just getting ready to go out the door…”
Mrs. Monroe: “Well be careful… you know what happened to James…”
Monroe: “I will… when I get over there I will just call them from the yard…”
Mrs Monroe: “Okay bye..”
Monroe: “Bye honey peaches…” ( Monroe closes the door..) Woof!! Woof!! Woof!!, Chase!! Chase!! Chase!! , Snap!! Snap!! Snap!!
John Quincy Adams – 8
You can bring something to the barbecue and we’ll put it on the table with the other food.
John Quincy Adams did have slaves at some point in his life, but he later became an abolitionist and actively fought against slavery. His father, John Adams, owned slaves, and when John Quincy Adams was a child, he accompanied his father to Europe where he observed the abolitionist movement and became critical of slavery. Later in life, as a member of Congress, John Quincy Adams became a vocal opponent of slavery and fought for abolitionist causes, including representing the Amistad Africans in court. So for those that aren’t familiar with Amistad, it was a Spanish slave ship that kidnapped a boatload of Africans and was getting ready to sell them in Cuba in 1839. On the way to Cuba, the brothers got loose and commenced whooping nothing but azz. They took over the boat and sailed it to Long Island New York. So the U.S. government initially detained them, claiming they were property that could be sold as slaves. However, abolitionists and others argued that they were not property but rather free individuals who had been kidnapped and illegally transported to the United States. Right on!! It was John Quincy Adams who argued before the Supreme Court that the men had been kidnapped and illegally transported to the U.S. After a long legal battle, a Supreme Court decision in 1841 declared that the men were to be set free and that they were entitled to return to their homes in Africa. In addition to freeing the Amistad kidnapped victims, he also championed the fight against the “Gag Rule.” Now in 1839, there were north of 4 million slaves in the US. The gag rule was a rule implemented by the U.S. House of Representatives that prohibited any discussion or consideration of antislavery petitions. In other words, it was illegal to talk about freeing the slaves under federal law. Adams believed that it was a violation of the First Amendment’s guarantee of freedom of speech and the right to petition the government for a redress of grievances. In 1844, the gag rule was overturned. So although Quincy Adams’s early life was associated with slavery, he got it right in the end and deserves to bring whateva that mess is to the barbeque.
Barry: “Hey Quincy.. what’s happening bro…?”
Quincy: “Ain’t nuttin but a lil bit of jibe.. how bout giving me five on the backhand side..!”
Barry: “That’s my man!! What you got there bro?”
Qunicy: “I brought over some of Louisa’s world famous Collard Green and Apple Dumplings !!! I bet you ain’t neva had nuttin like that!!”
Barry: “Nope… you right about that… I ain’t neva… Bro go on and put it on the table!! Let’s go in the backyard and teach those fools how to play some cards!!”
Quincy: “My man!!”
Well, this concludes the section on “By The Numbers” – Founding Fathers. Stay tuned for next week’s installment of “By The Numbers” – Prelude To War, where we will delve into the Presidents and their involvement in the escalating conflict between slavery and abolition just before the Civil War.
Thanks for reading ©Hill1News 2023
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