Professor: What is voter suppository.. I mean voter suppression (VS)? I always get the two mixed up because either way somebody usually ends up bending over… anywho, voter suppression is the legal or illegal means to prevent people from registering to vote or voting. Today we are going to go deep into the reasons behind VS. Okay.. settle down class… let’s stop the laughter in the back… Please open your books to page 19….
Ju’vee: Professor I forget my book and left it home.
Professor: Sit next to Niles and you two can share.
Niles: I don’t want to sit next to him… he smells like a Mississippi rat with a long tongue and bad breath..
Ju’vee: You take that back, or I’ma ring yo bell so loud… Anita Ward gonna come ova here and sit on yo lap!!!!
Professor: Ju’vee, Niles.. You two to stop acting like children and pull them desk together!!
Professor: Okay.. From our previous studies we know that protecting voting rights was not part of the original amendments that freed the blacks from slavery. The 13th amendment ratified in 1865, freed the former slaves from bondage and servitude, while the 14th amendment gave the former slaves equal protection under the law in 1868. It wasn’t until 1870 that the 15th amendment prohibited states from from discriminating against voters based on race, color, or previous condition of servitude… yes Mr Allwite?
Mr. Allwite: My daddy said our family use to hold a watermelon and fried chicken party on election night and invite all the nigra’s … and that’s why dey wasn’t voting..
Mr. Throhans: Ima come ova der and whip yo ass!!
Professor: Now Mr Throhans… class… I’m only going to say this one time… If there is any ass whooping going on in this class… I’m going to be the only one whooping ass….. Mr Allwite come with me…
Professor: (The professor and Mr. Allwite return after about 15 minutes… Allwite stands in the back of the classroom.) Okay.. settle down… As I was saying it was the 15th amendment which was suppose to give everyone equal voting rights. Even then the amendment would not be signed by Tennessee until 1997!
Dee Smartypants: Professor that’s not true… Women did not get the right to vote until 1920, when the 19th amendment was ratified.
Professor: Why that’s absolutely right… I stand corrected Ms Smartypants…
Mr. Ogynist: That’s what’s wrong with the world… how dey gonna have time to cook my food… clean my house and take care of my children… dey got enough to do without sticking dey nose in a man’s business!!
Disyeer Goldangloves: You wait till break time Ogynist…. My mamma votes every year and it ain’t nobodys business but hers!!
Professor: Okay class.. let’s get back to business… So although the 15th amendment gave all male citizens the right to vote… it did not provide any enforcement provisions. Voter suppression could be pursued by legal means. For instance, African Americans were routinely subjected to harsher penalties under the law and by 1870, twenty eight states had laws on the books prohibiting anyone convicted of a felony from voting. Those laws have been on the books for over 150 years… a remnant of institutionalized racism from a time long ago. ( Suddenly some one enter the classroom.)
Nurse Lovey: Professor I have just come to check on Mr. Allwite.
Professor: He is doing a lot better now… (The professor and Nurse Lovey look at Allwite who is standing in the back of the classroom… he waves feebly…)
Nurse Lovey: (Lovely waves back and turns toward the professor..) I just don’t get it… You said he tripped down the steps.. but how did that shoe get in there?
Professor: I couldn’t tell you… You saw when I asked him… ” You know how that shoe got up there?”
Nurse Lovey: Yes… he didn’t answer you…. he just left the infirmary after you ask him that… strange… Well Professor I will let you get back to work.. ( Lovely leaves …)
Professor: Okay class.. let’s take a fifteen minute break…
————————————-** Break Time **——————————-
“Whap…Whap, Whap Whap… Whap Whap..”
Nikol Bagg: Wow whats that noise??? (Whap… Whap, Whap…)
La’late Evreeday: I think Goldangloves and Ogynist are talking about the 19th Amendment… (Whap, Whap.. Whap, Whap,Whap…)
Dom Esfuk: You should have seen him talk to Blista Biggs… I got the video on my phone… Dom takes out his phone and turn on the video… (Whap, Whap, Whap…)
“Suga Shanks: Wow man.. you gonna let him talk to you like that Blista!! A real “G” would put that #$$@! in his place!!
Blista: Look… I wanna fight Disyeer… I ain’t trying to hear tha… Disyeer strikes first.. (Whap.. Whap.)
Agi Tator: Aww shett… it’s on now!!
“Whap, Whap… Whap, Whap Whap… Whap, Whap, Whap, Whap Whap…”
Blista falls… Disyeer jumps on him.. (Whap, whap, whap, whap , whap.. Blister is hurt and tries to get away…
Agi Tator: Aww. man dat ain’t a lotta blood…. You gonna let him do dat…. all you gotta do is push it back in… (Whap, Whap, whap….)
Badas Amofo: Dis dun went far enough!! Break it up!! Break it up!!
Agi Tator: Where did you get yo refs license from? I don’t see no ring ova heh!!
Badas Amofo: Boy if I hafta come over der… you gonna git many stripes… dats in the bible….
Professor: Class!! Class… breaks over… (Dom puts his phone away and they head back into class.) Dayum Ogynist!! You need to put some lotion or something on that shatt.. What happened?
Ogynist: The 19th Amendment guarantees American women the right to vote… The suffrage movement and the 19th amendment discriminated against many women of color…
Professor: No Ogynist!! I asked what happened?
Ogynist: Native American women and Asian American women were barred from voting due to other federal citizenship laws, Native women until 1924 and some Asian women until the 1950s… and finally black women in 1965… the…
Professor: That’s ok, go sit down.. Class.. class.. let’s pick up where we left off. Who can start us off?
Dom Esfuk: Yeah Professor.. you said my cousin Mouth couldn’t vote on account of he robbed the Ashy Foot store on 55th Ave. Dey say he had two clips on em..
Professor: Wow… that’s a lot of fire power for a shoe store…
Dom Esfuk: Naw professor… he had two toenail clips. He said he tired of looking at all dem ashy toes… so he grab the manager and started cutting dem toenails… The PoPo came and locked him up.. when dey told the judge he had two clips on him, the judge gave him 25 years..
Professor: Dom… we’ll get back to that later… Class turn to page 66… Neva Heer, can you read the first paragraph for us?
Neva Heer: Da ticktits of vot..ter suspicion…ranging from maakin votter liss incomminent to psychological intimating and oven to psychological attack. It is eligible…
Professor: (The professor and the class look at each other like they just came out the Twilight Zone..) Ok… thank you for that Neva… Yes, the tactics of voter suppression range from making voting less convenient… to physical intimidation and even physical attack… of course it is illegal. A lot of us have been following the Amy Coonhater Beleevme nomination.. we have been focusing on her views against Roe v. Wade and the Affordable Healthcare Act, however there is another viewpoint that needs to be examined. There is a possibility that laws concerning the Voting Rights Act of 1965 could come before the court. Class turn to page 73… ah yes. Sheea?
Sheea Sneeky: Professor can I go to the ladies room?
Professor: You just came from the restroom 10 minutes ago… what did you have for breakfast this morning… a Baboon? Okay.. but come right back… Ok class I like you to take 20 minutes to read this chapter. We will have a verbal test afterwards… ( The professor pulls out some papers and starts grading them.. Sheea comes back from the restroom…)
———————— Twenty minutes later—————————
Professor: (The professor stands up and says..) “Please close your books… As I said this will be a verbal test. You will have two minutes to answer your question. Afterwards I will give you a pass or fail grade. Let’s get started… Badas, what was the Shelby County v. Holder supreme court case based on?”
Badas: Well professor back in da day when dey had da Jim Crow laws on the books, da white folks would go to da restaurant and figga out ways to stop the nigg@s from voting.. Da Klan would sit in front of da poll place playing cards and da sheriff would be inside cleaning his gun… well folks got tired of dat and went to da supreme court…
Professor: Well that’s somewhat correct Badas.. Voter intimidation was one of the reason behind Shelby County v. Holder.. but it wasn’t the prime reason.. Passed… Ju’vee you’re next… Tell me about Shelby County v. Holder..
Ju’vee: I can’t Professor… Everytime I’d try to read it… Niles would put a tube of toothpaste in the book so I couldn’t turn the page…
Niles: Dats a blackface lie!! Professor he was paying Sheea to sit on my lap holding a bell!!
Professor: I want to see both of you after class… Mr Allwite..
Mr. Allwite: Professor I didn’t have nothing to do wid my Uncle and his friends playing cards in front of dat place… I was at home helping Maw with the chicken and watermelon party…
Professor: Mr Allwite… Ima tell you something… It’s going to take Ben Casey and Marcus Welby… Failed… Disyeer…
Disyeer: Yes professor, the Voting Rights Act of 1965 had provisions for certain municipalities to contact the federal government before making any laws that had an effect on voting. The areas affected by the preclearance clause were areas that had historically implemented voter suppression laws against blacks, like poll taxes and literacy tests. Most of the areas were in the deep south ….
Professor: Excellent!! That will be all.. let’s save some for the other students.. Passed with honors!!! Uh.. Nikol Bagg… Nik..OL BAGG!!
Nikol Bagg: (sniff.. sniff..) Yeah mannnn… Its like dis… In 2013 Holder and his boys went to da supreme court and ratted on da local.. dat dey was breaking da preclearance bid… (sniff, sniff) on account dey said dat Shelby was dealing from the bottom of da deck by changing laws dat affected voters widout telling da big man… (sniff, sniff…) da local man said dat de law was not copacetic cause da amount of nigg@s wasn’t the same as in da good old days… Da nigg@s dey had run out of town had come back…
Professor: Uh… that’s absolutely correct Nikol.. Shelby County was under the preclearance laws because of a track record of historical voter suppression and couldn’t make any changes without notifying the federal government… Shelby said the law was unconstitutional because it relied on a formula based on a ratio that was no longer valid. Very good Nikol.. Nikol? NIKOL?? Will somebody wake that nigg@ up! (The professor jots down something in his grade book…) Well class it’s almost lunch time… so let’s break right here and finish after lunch.. Ju’vee, Niles.. I need to talk to you before you go to lunch. Class dismissed…
————————————–Lunch Time——————————–
Professor: Now boys, I want to know what’s going on with you two. You used to be the best of friends… Let’s talk about it…
Ju’vee: Professor his family started it… We were having dinner.. roast yak wit cream of sawdust when my dad looks out da window and sees his dad in a white sheet making off with our Biteme for President sign… We know it was him because the sheet was embroidered with his name… Niles D. Hater Allwite Sr.
Niles: It was probably old yak and creek sawdust…
Ju’vee: It’s better than range grass and sewer eel…
Professor: Now boys stop…
Niles: Professor his family started it.. We saw his dad come over and kick over our Tramp for President sign and then he peed on it…. He aint have no sheet on because dey can’t afford sheets.. Dey momma tapes together old TV Guides and dey lays on dat…
Ju’vee: Take it back.. take it back!!
Professor: Look boys… I have an idea how we can settle this. All it takes is a little bit of understanding…with just a little bit of understanding you can go back to being friends… So understand that Ima whip y’all %$$#!! ass if it happens again.. Do you understand me!!? I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!! (The boys nod vigorously in agreement.) Now get the #@$! outta here…( The boys put their arms around each others shoulders and leave..) The professor sits back in his chair and pulls out the lunch his wife packed him. “Umm!! Roast Baboon tail.. my favorite!!” He then picks up the newspaper.. he has a few more minutes before class starts again… “Hmm.. what’s this?” “Man Arrested For Destroying Biteme For President Signs” APP October 19: Police arrested 52 year old Niles D. Hater Allwite yesterday for criminal mischief and trespassing. Police say Allwite, who goes by the nickname DaFuhrer, was caught hiding in the victim’s tree with several Biteme For President signs. The victim, Gerall A. Snowflake, said as soon as Allwite saw him with the shotgun, he climbed up the tree. Snowflake noticed that all the Biteme sign had been replaced with Tramp signs. Detective Gott Mordan Fortyguns II said Allwite will be held without bail at the Dangerous Blackmans Detention Center awaiting a hearing next week… where he will take a guilty plea if he knows what I know. (Ring.. Ring.. Ring.. the end of lunchtime bell sounds..) “Well it’s time to make the dough…” (The professor hurries down his lunch and heads back to the classroom.)
——————————– Class————————————–
Professor: Please everyone take your seats… (click, click…) I said take your seats! (They all look at the professor and rolls their eyes.. but they sit down.. The professor puts something in his desk drawer and locks it..) Okay.. lets pick up where we left off… Uh… Agi Tator… What was the final ruling on the Shelby County v. Holder case?
Agi Tator: Well dey said the nigg@ should have ducked…
Professor: What#@? ( The professor knew every student had their own way of explaining things… he would give Agi some leeway..) Agi can you tell us more?
Agi Tator: Yeah professor… The “C” gang had one more soldier den da “L” gang and dey said dat da law was dumb.. If it hadda been me.. Ida cold cock one of dem suckers… Dey didn’t say all the law was dumb.. just the part that the black folks used… See man, I know how to deal wid that type of !@@!… Drop and lock!!!
Professor: Hmmm… ok passed.. Yes, the court ruled by a 5-4 vote that Section 4(b) is unconstitutional because the coverage formula is based on data over 40 years old. The section is part of the 1965 Voting Rights Act. Five years after the ruling, nearly 1,000 polling places were closed… primarily in predominantly African American counties. Most of the restrictions were enacted by Republicans. You guys are really on the ball… Okay.. who’s next? (The professor looks around the room.. click.. click) Mr Streat Lyfe… Ima need to you to bring that shank up here and put it on my desk… (Streat mumbles something but puts the weapon on the professor’s desk..) All of them!! (Streat puts two more shanks and a brass knuckle on the professor’s desk and returns to his seat…)
Agi Tator: If dat had been me… ( The professor lets off a couple.. bang, bang!!) (Agi jumps up and runs to the professor’s desk and empties his pockets.) Professor I can see if anybody else has some weapons and collect dem for you… ( The professor puts the eye on Agi… he returns to his seat..)
Professor: Last year in 2019 the House Democrats entered a bill to restore the preclearance provision of the 1965 Voting Right Act, which required certain jurisdictions, Alabama, California, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, New York, North Carolina, South Carolina, Texas, and Virginia to be bound by the new law. Since 2013, 19 states have implemented restrictive voter identification laws, including closed polling places, and shortened early voting periods. The new law most certainly will be challenged and placed before the courts… Okay let’s change gears here. Those that didn’t get a verbal test today will submit a report on Shelby County v. Holder… due Friday… ( There is a lot of grumbling and cussing..) ( Bang! Bang!!) (Suddenly there is a chorus of people raising their hands volunteering to collect the reports on Friday… ) That’s better… Class open your books to page 132… Follow me while I read…
“A poll tax is a tax which is based on the amount of people being provided services by a municipality. Poll taxes discouraged those who could not afford to pay from voting and were a prerequisite to register to vote in Jim Crow states. Poll taxes disproportionately affected Black voters. The Twenty -fourth Amendment prohibits both Congress and the states from conditioning the right to vote on payment of a poll tax or any other type of tax. Literacy tests were also implemented to stop those who were uneducated from participating in the voting process. Literacy tests were administered at the discretion of those in charge of voter registration and often discriminated against African Americans. Literacy tests asked civics questions such as “In which document or writing is the Bill of Rights found?” or “Name two of the purposes of the U.S. Constitution” as found in a 1965 Alabama literacy test. African Americans who took part in these test were descendants of slaves who were not allowed to read or write in several states due to anti-literacy laws. White men who could not pass the literacy tests were able to vote due to the “Grandfather Clause” allowing them to participate in voting if their grandfathers voted by 1867. That grandfather clause was ruled unconstitutional in 1915 and literacy tests were outlawed under the Voting Rights Act of 1965.” – Timeline of Voter Suppression
Professor: Close your books and break off into teams of four… (The students break off into teams of four and there are four teams.. The professor names the teams 1,2,3 and 4. He puts three chairs in front of his desk and calls team 1 to the front..) Okay.. I am going to play some music and when the music stops I want everyone to try and get a seat… ready.. lets go… (The professor starts playing ” Dont Push Me Cause I’m Close To The Edge”..) “🎵 Don’t push me .. cause I’m close to the edge… I’m trying not to ….( the music stops… there is a wild scramble…. three of the students get a seat… the fourth student sits on the professor’s desk..) Slick Willie, that country #@@#! is not gonna work here.. you know what I meant!! Okay.. so here is the deal.. I’m going to ask Willie a question.. you guys have to figure out if he answered it correctly. If you are right.. everyone passes.. if you are wrong, you all fail.. If three teams fail then the whole class fails…(There is some grumbling… the professor picks it up and puts it in his holster…) Okay.. Willie.. What is QAnon?
Slick Willie: Professor that’s not fair.. that’s not what we studied!!
Professor: You should have thought of that when your slick azz set on my desk… whats your answer? (Badas looks at Willie and starts cracking his knuckles…)
Slick Willie: ( Willie looks over at his team.. Badas is now cracking the joints on his feet and looking up at him… Sweet Sarah has taken a roll of gauze out her purse and some scissors, and Allwite has pulled out a bible.. Willie starts sweating…) Uh.. uhh.
Professor: You want a towel?
Slick Willie: (Looking nervous, he answers.. ) QAnon is a far right conspiracy theory. Most people think QAnon is the name of the group, but it is not. They just follow the QAnon theory. The theory goes that a group of Satan-worshiping pedophiles is running a global child sex-trafficking ring and plotting against President Donald Trump, who is battling against the them. The theory also states that Trump is planning a day of reckoning known as “The Storm…,” when thousands of members of the group will be arrested…. well that’s all I know professor..
Professor: Don’t you play with me again.. Team is he a liar..?
Team 1: (They look at each other and discuss what exits from the school they will be guarding if dat nigg@ is wrong… Finally Badas gets up…) Professor we don’t think he’s wrong…
Professor: Well I won’t tell you until tomorrow… (Slick Willie faints..) Okay..okay somebody wake him up… I play too much… He is correct… you all pass! (The team picks Willie up and drags him back to his desk…)
Professor: Which team wants to go next? ( There is a lot of violent head shaking no.. not us..) Okay.. team three.. come on up here.. The professor turns on the music… “🎶 It’s like a jungle sometimes.. make me wonder how I keep...🎶” ( There is a mad scramble for the chairs… Nikol is left standing..)
Nikol Bagg: See professor.. I didn’t try to be slick and sit on the desk..
Professor: That’s true Nikol.. but didn’t you fall asleep in my class earlier? Here’s a towel… How many members of Congress have a “E” in their name?
Nikol: (Nikol starts to think… The professor is trying to be slick.. he doesn’t know either… I could say anything…He would still have to look it up… He is not going to do that… a big smile comes across Nikol’s face…) Three hundred and twenty two have the letter “E” in their names professor!! (Nikol walks over to his team and gives everyone a high five..)
Professor: Name them…
Team 3: The members look at each other and get up and go back to their desks… someone has set Nikols desk on fire… Badas slips the team a note…
Professor: Okay class.. let’s take a 15 minute break.. We have one win and one fail… for the class to pass, the rest of the teams will have to win… will somebody put out that fire…
———————————— After The Break———————————————-
Professor: (The class is seated and the professor has moved his desk in front of the door. He will need to be able to leave in case things get ugly… He sees a dime of reefer by Nikol Bagg’s desk.. but no Nikol… He takes his walkie talkie and puts it on the desk… He will need backup if they refuse to let him leave…) Team two come to the front… ( the music starts..) 🎵 ” Rats in the front room, roaches in the back, junkies in the alley with a baseball bat… I tried.. 🎵” (There is a wild scramble again… three of the students have a seat… the professor looks and then looks again.. he can’t believe his eyes… Shuga Shanks is sitting on Blista Biggs shoulders…) Aww hell no… get the #$$@ down… ( The professor sees the students are under a lot of pressure.. he decides to go easy on him..) Okay Blista, here is the question… What were some of the literacy test questions given to African Americans before they were allow to register?
Blista: (Blista starts crying… the class is painting all the windows in the back black… 350 pound 6ft 8in, Muscle Mason come to the front and sits at a desk.. the desk collapses, but Muscle sit on the wrecked heap… The professor think to himself… (” I don’t even @##$ with him!!)
Muscle Mason: If I don’t pass this course, then Ima lose my scholarship to DPM&O.. ( Don’t Piss a Mofo Off.) If I lose my scholarship… then Ima rip yours right off… along with everybody elses standing up there…
Professor: (The professor cocks his gun and slides the text book over to Blista..) “He whispers…” page 123…
Blista: Litacy asked questions such as “Do you have the Bill of Right document… or the US Constitution in Alabama?
Professor: That’s close enough.. passed… ( The professor decides the exercise is putting too much pressure on his class… and he really wanted to keep his…) Class I decided to pass everyone!! Team three please return to your seats.. (Ring, Ring) Well class it looks like that’s it for today. Please study chapter 21 in your Social Studies book, ” When They Turn Their Backs.” There will be a test on it tomorrow… class dismissed…
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