Skeeter: Bill.. do you see the sun up in da sky?
Bill: No Skeeter.. it’s night time fool.
Skeeter: Den why is dat darkey ova der just standing round like he own da place? Don’t he know what sundown mean?
Bill: Nowadays dey can do dat Skeeter.. heck yesterday I seed him look a white man straight in de eyeball. I just about fainted…
Skeeter: Well we’ll see what the sheriff has to say about dat!!
(Skeeter runs to the jail and kicks the door open and sees a black man standing behind the counter..)
Skeeter: Boy run back der and git yo massa.. tell em a darky out heah prancing around afta sundown like he got jock itch and wearing iron drawers…
Black man: What??
Skeeter: I said boy go git yo MASSA!! It’s a darky out der violating!!
Black man: Sir what is your name?
Skeeter: Boy I don’t cotton to no nigra asking me personal business.. but if you must know.. its Skeeter S. Fukinwidyoo
Black man: Well Mr. Fukinwidyoo.. My name is Sheriff Ushure Gotdariteone… and if don’t leave right now Ima lock ur azz up wid Owl Knightlong and Taye Dontsleap.. (Skeeter runs out as the Sheriff grabs some handcuffs)
Bill: Well what did the Sheriff say Skeeter?
Skeeter: He backed sassed looking me right in my eyeball!!
Bill: What in tarnation!!? Right in yo eyeball!!
Skeeter: Yessiree!! Im’a go get Bang Bang Lucy and we going to stand in front of dat voting office!! Dem nigras gotta be stopped!!
In 1965 President Lyndon Johnson signed the historic Voting Rights Act Of 1965, ending decades of Jim Crow laws enacted to disenfranchise millions of African Americans from their constitutional right to vote. In the coming weeks a Republican leaning Supreme Court will vote on two more cases that could virtually leave the Voting Rights Act Of 1965 worthless. The two cases are Brnovich v. Democratic National Committee and Arizona Republican Party v. Democratic National Committee. Both lawsuits are in response to former President Trump’s presidential election loss in Arizona. So if anybody don’t know where the national office of the KKK is.. my money is on Arizona. Anyway, before we look at the two aforementioned cases before the SCOTUS, we need to look at the Shelby case and its significance to the present litigation before the court. There were two sections of the VRA that the plaintiff’s brought before the court to rule on their constitutionality. Section 5, “Any change with respect to voting in a covered jurisdiction — or any political subunit within it — cannot legally be enforced unless and until the jurisdiction first obtains the requisite determination by the United States District Court for the District of Columbia or makes a submission to the Attorney General.” and Section 4b, which contains the coverage formula that determines which jurisdictions are subject to preclearance based on their histories of discrimination in voting. So basically Section 5 meant they couldn’t make up crazy stuff that you have to do in order to vote without the approval of a federal judge. “Okay darkey if you want to vote.. you got to tell me the 16th word on page 803 of Mein Kampf and use it in a sentence speaking Portuguese.” Black man: “There is no page 803 in Mein Kampf.” Clerk: (Stamps failed on voter registration and haves him arrested for being a Nazi spy.) Section 4b looked back to see if your great, great granddaddy was was doing the #@@! you trying to do now and if he was than you were subject to Section 5. Granddaddy: “Every pickinnay that comes in here to vote gotta be dressed in a confederate uniform and be able to sing Mammy backwards while tap dancing on Lake Alligator..” Historically the states that were subject to these provisions were Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, South Carolina and Virginia. Although North Carolina was not subject to Section 5 provisions as a whole, 40 counties out of 100 were put on the restrictions. In 1970 counties in New York, California and New Hampshire were added. New York??? Yep… In 1975 after the formula was amended, counties in Alaska and Texas were add along with a couple of municipalities in Michigan. As some of you might have noticed I have been using the past tense to describe these two provisions. In 2013 they were struck down as being unconstitutional in Shelby County v. Holder.
Skeeter: Pull over Bill, dat der is the voting office… (Skeeter reaches in to the back seat and gets Bang Bang Lucy, his pappy’s double gauge.)
Bill: Skeeter looky der, deys got Lucy’s too.. and I seed dat dey done brung Lucy’s grown kids….45 and 38!!
Skeeter: I see “em”… keep yo britches on Bill!! I gotta go make a call to “you know who…”
Bill: The undertaker?
Skeeter: No fool!! Im fending to call “The Brotherhood!! (TB)” (Skeeter pulls out his cell phone and dials 1-800 Jim-Crow
TB: Due to high call volume and low intelligence your call may take longer than usual. If you know your Grand Wizard’s extension, you may dial it at any time. If you need immediate assistance, hang up and dial 1-800 I C Nikes and press 1 for “They won’t let me stand during the anthem.” otherwise Press 1 if a nigra is looking suspicious, Press 2 if a nigra backed sassed or is looking you in the eyeball. Press 3 if a nigra is on your porch asking for your daughter. All others please stay online for the next available racist.. Press # to hold without gawd fearing music.. ( “I wish I was in the land of cotton, old times there are not forgotten….”)
TB Racist: Good day, this is Bo Luke, you’ve reached the the brotherhood.. One is too many, how can we help?
Skeeter: Well it’s sho nuff mo den one…can’t rightly tell… but a bunch of em standing in line at da votinging office looking suspicious…
TB: Did dey say sumptin to ya?
Skeeter: Naw.. but in da park we eyed a god fearin American tell a bunch of dem dey can’t BBQ der cause it was white women der in dey skinny suits… Da little one was playing dat race music, fixin at da the grill and turning nigra chicken ova, when all of a sudden he threw down the grill spoon and looked at white man in da eyeball and started sassin… Da white man said he gittin ready to call da police and da little one said “I don’t care .. call em!!” Den a big one holla’s from da car and asks the little one does he want him to take da ribs out now. Da little one nods his head and den da big one runs ova and grabs da white man by da neck and rips his shirt off.. We wanted to help, but we had business at da voting office, so we left…
TB: I see.. well suh, since it didn’t happen to you, ain’t much we can do… see if you can antagonize one and den give us a call back…
Skeeter: What does antagonize mean?
TB: It means rile dem up… git unda dey skin… call one of dem a “nigg@r.” When dey act like they fending to do sumpin, call us and we’ll come running.
TB: Thanks for calling and remember.. If the chicken is gone when you get home.. you gotta figure it was probably stolen by a nigra… (click)
Skeeter: Looks like we on our own Bill…
Bill: what ya mean we….? I ain’t using dat word ova der!!!
lol… So earlier we said that Section 5 and 4b were ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in 2013…. and that statement is fundamentally if not technically correct. By that I mean that in Shelby County v. Holder, the plaintiff litigated 4b, which says the Attorney General Of The United States will use a formula to decide if a state falls under the provisions of Section 5. Take away the formula and how do you determine their bias based on their histories? So yeah, gutting Section 4b invalidated Section 5. Shelby County argued that the formula was not a representation of the current demographics. Population, racial makeup and party affiliation had all changed since VRA had been enacted in 1965. After the law was declared to be unconstitutional by the SCOTUS, Republican legislatures all over the country began restructuring voting districts.
Alabama: Alabama Republicans drew a new legislative apportionment map of the state. Democrats said that the new map packs African-American voters into a few voting districts, diluting the power of a largely Democratic voting base. “Put a Starbucks beside every Popeyes over there…”
Arizona: Arizona’s attorney general told Arizona residents who registered to vote using forms provided by the federal government, that they must also provide documentation proving their citizenship. Those who did not show documentation would be allowed to vote in federal elections but not state or local election… So you could vote for the President Of The United States, but not vote for your choice of Governor, your State Representative or the Sheriff, the people who run Arizona. “Sirens wailing.. Boy let me see your driver’s license, insurance card and gawd fearing Arizona documentation..”
North Carolina: Now the Tar Heels wasn’t $##@ around… they went straight for the throat. Soon after the repeal of Section 4b of the VRA the immediately they terminated valid out-of-precinct voting, same-day registration during the early voting and pre-registration for those about to turn 18. They also enacted voter ID laws at the end of 2018 requiring all voters to produce ID at the polling station in the 2020 elections starring Donald Trump. They even, now get this.. required absentee voters to show ID. Of course the law was taken straight to Federal Court where U.S. District Judge Loretta Biggs through a gallon of water on that burning cross when she granted an injunction against Grand Wizard… I mean Governor Roy Cooper and friends. However her decision was overturned by the Federal Court Of Appeals saying in its opinion, “There is a long and shameful history of race-based voter suppression in North Carolina, but that acts of a past legislative body do not mean that current bodies are inherently not acting with good intentions.” This court acknowledges that while their lawyer is dressed in full Klan regalia with burning cross insignia, rope braid and a negro chained to his desk, his attire and the negro is not pertinent to our findings… Okay they didn’t say that part…
North Dakota: Yes… good ole North (I Neva Seen An Injun Without A Scalp) Dakota. So they have implemented a voter ID law which requires voters to have an ID with their name, street address, and date of birth, only thing is that most native Americans who live on the reservations dont have a street address and primarily use post office box number. On October 10, 2018, the United States Court of Appeals for the Eighth Circuit upheld the law.
Ohio: During “Golden Week” a term used in Ohio to signify the period of early voting, you use to be able to register and vote on the same day. That law has been repealed. In addition the Republican legislature also cut six days from the early voting period and gave the Ohio Secretary of State sweeping new powers which enabled that department to reject absentee ballots for missing information. Another provision of the law stated that absentee ballots would no longer be automatically mailed to registered voters and that the Secretary would have to get legislative approval before absentee ballots could be mailed. State Representative Ovamy Dedbodi: “I smell chitlin juice on dat ballot.. throw it in the trash…”
Wisconsin: Wisconsin also known as the “Mississippi of the North,” had to be taken to the Supreme Court by the American Civil Liberties Union and the Advancement Project and asked to please let those negro’s out the shed so they can vote. Well it wasn’t that bad, but close to it. During the last presidential election more than 300,000 registered voter were turned away because of improper credentials, mostly people of color. Poll worker: “This doesn’t look like you… this man has more hair..” Black Voter: Well I got a haircut..” Poll worker: Where did you get the money from?… No I can’t accept this…”
Two Weeks Later:
Nurse: Doctor I think he is waking up..
Doctor: Mr Fukinwidyoo… Mr Fukinwidyoo… can you hear me? Do you know where you are?
Skeeter: Ni.. Ni.. Ni .. Ni…
Doctor: Mr. Fukinwidyoo… what are you trying to say?
Nurse: Doctor I think he’s lost consciousness again.
Bill: Doctor what’s wrong wid em?
Doctor: Well it’s too early to say right now… We were able to get the phone out… but the case is still up there… and it didn’t help that we had to remove a few shotgun shells stuck in his throat… we will know a little bit more in a couple of weeks.
lol.. poor Skeeter…
With Section 5 and 4b of the Voting Rights Act scuttled, a new conservative attack on the most successful civil rights bill in American history is again under attack. This time Section 2 of the VRA is being called into question. Unlike Section 5 of the VRA which had to be extended every five years, Section 2 is permanent. Section 2 prohibits voting practices or procedures that discriminate on the basis of race, color, or membership in one of the language minority groups identified in Section 4(f)(2) of the Act. So Section 4(f)(2) also guarantees the right to register and vote to those with limited English proficiency. As an example I am using Puerto Rico, an American territory who primarily does not teach English in its schools as it primary language. Being a permanent law and the fact that is it applicable in the US and all its territories, Section 2 presents a roadblock to conservatives who want to dilute minority voting. Okay so what does a violation of Section 2 of the VRA look like? Well in (Lock Your Car Door Here Comes An Injun) Arizona, it looks like passing laws that prohibit anyone but a family member or caretaker to deliver any absentee ballot. First before we get into more detail let’s talk about who the law is aimed at.. it squarely puts a burden on the Navajo Reservation. The Navajo Reservation is over 27,000 square miles. It’s larger than West Virginia. The population? It’s around 173,000 people. There are around 600,000 people in the District Of Columbia and that is only 7 square miles. In Arizona it come to one person for every 6.5 square miles. In the District that number is 85,000 per square mile. Those people on the reservation live in a vast area! They have to depend on their neighbors and each other. Most of the time a few people will cover the reservation and collect the ballots and deliver them to the polling stations. The question before the SCOTUS is whether it is constitutional to allow these people, campaign workers, community activists or other people to collect ballots for delivery to polling places. The opposition calls this practice ballot harvesting and say it is inherently fraudulent. I’m not even going to say the practice was used for years before the last presidential election and nobody said anything, but now that the largely democratic voting Navajo’s have organized it suddenly become a crime. So why should African Americans also be watching this case? It is because it is the last section of the Voting Rights Act Of 1965 that “prohibits” voting practices or procedures that discriminate on the basis of….. “race or color,“….. or membership in one of the language minority groups identified in Section 4(f)(2) of the Act. If the SCOTUS rules Section 2 of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 unconstitutional, there is nothing standing between us and the voting practices of Jim Crow.
One Month Later:
Police: Mr. Fukinwidyoo are you well enough to tell us what happened?
Skeeter: Well I seen a bunch of Ni… Ni… Ni…
Skeeter: Yeah.. and I told dem “I need you Ni..Ni.. Ni…”
Skeeter: Yeah.. to clear out!! Den a big hairy one looks me right in da eyeball and says “Say it again.. I dare you!!”
Well I said it again and I reached for my phone to call for help. Fo I knew it.. dey was on me!! I said “Ni.. Ni.. Ni…
Skeeter: Yeah.. “I said don’t you know Ima white man!!” Den one of dem Ni.. Ni.. Ni..
Skeeter: Yeah.. pulled off my hood and throwed it in da street… den dey took my phone and gun.. and dats all I remember…
Police: Ok… Can you tell us anything about the other white man ?
Skeeter: What oda white man.. only ones der was me and Bill…
Police: Well we have witnesses that said a white man may have been involved. Him and a group of nigras was seen running away from the incident. A witness at Ray Cyst Bar and Lounge said he ran past them shouting Black Power!!, Black Power!! and that a group of nigras was running behind him with knives and guns. We think he may be their leader.
Skeeter: No… but maybe Bill seed em… Bill?… Bill?
The two cases, Brnovich v. Democratic National Committee and Arizona Republican Party v. Democratic National Committee will mark a turning point in which the courts will decide if over half a century of Jim Crow will prevail or 245 years of democracy. Oral argument were held on March 2, 2021 and a decision is marked on the courts calendar as TBA, “To be Announced.”