To tell you the truth I was just going to put out a poem by Clement Moore that I had jacked up and put some gold rims and twenties on… but I wanted to leave you with more than just a poem about one of the most divisive and polarizing presidents in American history. Not since 911 has such a societal change at the hand of one event have such a far reaching impact for us and future generations.
We All Negro’s Now
The day was November 8th, 2016 and I was in front of the TV eagerly awaiting the returns from the presidential election. Earlier in the day I had done my civic duty and went to the voting precinct to cast my vote for Hillary Clinton. I was the only African American in there at the time and the precinct folks were stumbling over each other to accomodate me. I mean I had never been escorted to the voting booth before and personally handed my voting card. Voting assistant: “Do you need any help.. can I get you another chair… is that one comfortable… now call me if you need anything..” It was like they were giving me my last rites. Were they being nice or were they implying that if I stuck that card into that machine, it would be the last thing I did in this courthouse. So yeah I was pretty nervous. Now don’t get me wrong, outside the lines were long and the police walked up and down them to make sure there were no misunderstandings. There were a few other blacks in line within seeing distance and as our eyes occasionally met, there was the familiar nod. You know the one.. when you are surrounded by Trump supporters and they act like every last one of them is a card carrying member of the Certified Azz Kicking Association Of America. A few folks in line in front of me were drinking something from styrofoam cups and talking about Obama and how things were going to change once Trump got in there. Once in a while they would say his name loud enough for everybody within hearing distance to hear it and then they would look around to see who responded… some people would respond.. Trump!! Trump!! Trump!!.. Then the guard would come around and they would go back to their huddled conversations. When I thought shat was starting to get real I would pull out my camera and act like I was taking videos of the bank across the street to let them know my hanging was going to be recorded… So yeah I live in a state where Trump got something like 80 percent of the vote and I’m sure that my fellow African Americans in that line knew that our vote was pure defiance, because statistically it was about as important as jack. Still it felt good walking through the middle of those Trumpheads and casting our vote for someone who as far as West Virginia was concerned had about as much a chance of winning as a snake riding a bicycle in the Tour De France. Anywho, I got back home, set down in front of TV and waited. I was watching CNN when the news broke. Wolf Blitzer: “CNN is calling Florida for Donald Trump.. are you sure?.. Yes? Okay we are now projecting that Donald Trump will be the 45th… (Blitzer starts looking around hoping somebody made a mistake..) the 45th President Of the United States..” As for me, I picked up the phone and started making calls… “Did you hear!!??” ” If I was her I would call for a recount??!!” ” Yeah they think he’s one of them.. I betcha we all Negro’s now..”
Welcome To DC…
It didn’t take long for things to get funky up in here. The day after Trump was elected, the Women’s March staged the single largest one day protest in American history. Over 500 thousand gathered in Washington DC, with another 4.6 million attend protest all across the country. So it all started with ” locker room talk and something about grabbing them by the private parts.. It was at first dismissed but soon afterwards a whole bunch of ladies started showing up holding their kitties talking about wait a minute. Numerous women came forward with accusations about his past inappropriate sexual conduct. You may remember Stormy Daniels who took it to the next level and and asked the man in the black robe to hear her out. “That %$#@ grabbed me by the p*ssy and some mo’ shat!!” In the end the only one that went to jail was her lawyer and she was stuck with a $300,000 legal bill owed to Trump’s lawyers who sued her for the time they had to take making her regret the day her mamma picked up that phone and said come on over. Anywho so yeah the march happened less than 24 hours after he was sworn into office. A week after he was sworn in, he signed an executive order banning anyone from Iran, Iraq, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, and Yemen from entering the country. Anyone here from them countries had a few weeks to leave or prove they were in the country legally. Thousands were deported. That order sparked another protest here and internationally. Later on he included other countries in his ban. The bans were mostly on countries whose inhabitants were not white. In the meantime he increased immigration thresholds for European countries. He eased up on the restrictions after someone told him there were a whole rack of white folks living abroad in those places he called shatholes and said their people were worthless… Americans who were now surrounded by those worthless people… who were now feeling some kinda way… and that they were in a situation. Americans: “Mr President.. there’s a lot of folks with bloodshot eyes walking around our front yard with machetes cutting coconuts in half and throwing them on our porch… and when we call the police and tell them we see people with bloodshot eyes cutting coconuts in half in our front yard and throwing them on our porch… they tell us to shut the blinds..” So yeah.. he maligned the court because they ruled against his ban, but he didn’t fight it… because he knew what was up. A few months later he tries it again after the State Department warns Americans abroad that the best thing for them to do was to get back into the United States anyway they could… because for us the world had become a much more dangerous place.
How Long?
He was in office less than a year when in August of 2017 the United Racist of America decided to throw an all white party in Charlottesville Virginia. It was the first time that groups with opposing views had joined forces to rid the nation of the black and communist hoards who defiled the memory of and sanctioned the removal of the “Great White One”, General Robert E Lee, leader of the Confederate Army, whose sole purpose was to lead the rest of America “Way down upon the Swanee River, Ev’rywhere they roam. Oh darkies, how my heart grows cheery, when I see you hanging from a rope…” Okay the song doesn’t actually go like that.. but uh…. so yeah anyway… they met down in Charlottesville and showed their entire one to the whole world. They were marching with Tiki Torches and talking about “you won’t replace us” and saying that if that statue comes down there is going to consequences and repercussions… and just a whole bunch of other nonsense. The racist and protesters clashed for two days ending in the culmination of a rabid racist fascist running over Heather Meyers, killing her and injuring dozens of others. It was President Trump first test as leader of the nation to do as Lincoln once said.. “bind our wounds.” But instead of binding our wounds, he pull out a knife and stab us in the back with it. At an internationally televised broadcast when ask if he was putting the Unite The Right supporters of skinheads, neo-nazi’s, fascist and white supremist on the same moral level as everybody else, he said there were very fine people on both sides. That was a major turning point in America… for the first time in modern history a US president gave credibility to the idea that there was a place in America for ideology based on skin color. As you can see, I used the words “modern history,” because after Lincoln died in 1865, there wouldn’t be another black sitting in the Oval office with a president until 1963 when Martin Luther King met with JFK. Lincoln was the 16th president and JFK was the 35th president. Anywho, if you thought things couldn’t get any worse.. Trump: “Hold my beer…”
Hold My Beer..
Over the next two years, America would withdraw from the Paris Climate Accords whose aim was to keep humanity alive by instituting guidelines on the emission greenhouse gases so mother nature wouldn’t kill us every week with once in a thousand year hurricanes, floods, droughts, polar vortexes and famines. He then withdrew from the Iran Nuclear deal in which Iran said they would forgo any testing of nuclear weapons if the sanctions were lifted and the international community would unfreeze their assets. Our president withdrew from a deal signed by several world powers and increased the sanctions. Iran subsequently abandoned the deal and is now according to some estimates just a few years away from having their own nuclear arsenal. Of course Israel was like WTF!! You know they want our azz!! I’ll tell you what, for all intensive purposes you just armed our mortal enemy with nuclear weapons and if you don’t give up that embassy, we gonna send some folks over to Russia and find out what really happened!! Next thing you know, someone moved the US Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. That caused an international uproar too… but we will just leave that alone… and here you thought it was because he liked them… To the dismay of the world economy, he then starts a trade war with China. Tens of thousands of people were laid off because China retaliated by imposing similar tariffs on automobiles, airplanes, and soybeans. Soybeans? Who the fauq eats soybeans? China eats soybeans… billions of dollars worth a year. Then they just stopped buying soybeans from the United States at all. Farmers from every soybean growing state in the union were hanging Trump in effigy. It was the first time he faced a real threat to his throne. Farmers: “Now we don’t care if you have to go over there and pucker up to kiss every last one in China, either you sell them Chinese our soybeans or a thousand of us are gonna ride up there in huge shiny tractors with signs they ain’t gonna be able to show on TV… park in front the yo White House… get out in front of all those cameras… pull our pants down…. and pee in your greens!!” Trump found a way to subsidise the lost income by paying the farmers not to grow soybeans. Automobile and airplane manufactures lost another pile of money due to the fact that they were now cut off from the largest market in the world where over 18 percent of the world’s population lives. Most economist view the trade war with China as unsuccessful.
I Could Go On And On, But I Won’t..
Yes I could go on and on.. haven’t mentioned the children being separated from their parents at the border, the time he went on air in front of the world and kissed Putin very one, when he shut down the government because they wouldn’t fund his ridiculous border wall that immigrants could go around, the time he met Jong Kim at the border and told the world they were the best of friends.. not mentioning that the death penalty in North Korea meant that you would be lined up in front of a anti-aircraft gun and the only thing left of you to be buried by the next of kin was the smoke from the gun and the bill for the bullets… no I could go on and on but I won’t.. As the final forward to my improvised poem I will just remind you that during the campaign for the 2020 election he asked the president of the Ukraine to dig up dirt on Biden culminating in charges that he used a foreign power to interfere in our election. Ukraine ratted him out and that was the reason for the first impeachment.. it was followed by a second impeachment for trying to overthrow the government, but the poem is about the first impeachment. Currently the Justice Department has employed a special counsel and he is tasked with investigating whether a former president incited insurrection against the sovereignty of the United States. So I’m telling you right now.. when they say something about somebody “ucking” with the sovereignty of the United States… somebody… somewhere gonna lose a “ucking” couple of them… anywho.. with the referral of former President Trump to the Justice Department, we may finally see the ending to the era of “Make America Great Again..” and see the beginning of the era to “Make America… America Again.” Please enjoy my rendition of “The Night Before Impeachment.”
Happy Holidays from Hill1News.
T’was The Night Before Impeachment
Twas the Night Before Christmas is a poem first published anonymously in 1823 and later attributed to Clement Clarke Moore. As a child it was one of the first poems I learned. Anywho, below his a comical take on this much admired work. Please enjoy and Happy Holidays!!
T’was the night before impeachment and in the White House, as the crowds gathered outside, He turned the lights out.
Subpoenas and summons were stacked on the floor, in case the large crowd, broke down the front door.
If he could make it upstairs and tweet to his friends, “Please come and get me, I’ll make America Great Once Again.”
But it fell on deaf ears, not one heard his plea, “You cut our food stamps and Social Security.”
They had been fool once, so they felt no regret, when they told him to kiss, where the sun don’t shine at.
He sat on his bed, had he run out of luck? Then thought to himself… “I really don’t give a @##!,”
Because Mitch and the boys, will come set me free, how could they survive, without a stable genius like me.
When all of a sudden, there came such a clatter, He jump from the bed to see what’s the matter.
There down on the lawn was Rudy and Mitch, Pelosi and Biden, and Graham and Schiff.
They laugh and they joked, not nary a fuss, It took just a minute, to see he’d been set up
They pointed at the window, with shackles in their hands, while in the Rose Garden, Pence had his head in the sand
Police in their wagons, Marines with their guns, CIA, FBI, all them had come.
Their badges they flashed, their ID’s were shown, they rush to the command center, and called on the phone
He snatched up the thing and said “what’s up jack, can you call me a little later, after I finish my Big Mac.
He thinks this a joke, he thinks we are playing, then with a snap of a finger, windows start breaking.
They rushed into his room, he said “y’all this ain’t cool!!” they were everywhere he looked, some even came out of the stool.
They pushed him to the floor and cuffed his hands behind his back. He said ain’t this some sh!t, they sent Latinos and Blacks.
How did they get in? They don’t know who they crossed. I’ll find out sooner or later, no matter the cost.
Do you have anything to say? Now’s the best time to talk. He asked for his wife. They said she took a walk
He rolled back his eyes and mumbled something bout death. The rest they couldn’t hear, cause he said it under his breath.
We will give you one chance, the only one you will see, either you talk to us, or you talk to Nancy Pelosi.
You know she ripped some right off, right on national TV, when she told that reporter, you bedda not mess with me.
You can do what you want, but I hope you will listen. Cause you’ll sure need your jewels, when they send you to prison.
Well he stood up straight and said with a grin, you owe me a call, I wanna talk to my boy Putin.
They rush him outside, threw him in the police truck. they chained up his feet and taped his mouth shut.
It might have been a month or it might have been ten years, he really didn’t know, how long he had been there.
In the dimly lit cell, in his mind he would joke, am I really going crazy cause I want to talk to that roach?
So he talked to the roach, he even called him by name, when under the door an envelope came.
He put Blu on his shoulder, and opened it with delight, it was signed by V. Putin and it was signed by his wife.
He grabbed his old glasses and held it up to the light. It said Merry Christmas To All And To All A Good Night.
Reprint: © Hill1News 2019
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