Today is September 17th and you are watching “Face The Negro” with Daye Lyon. Welcome to this special broadcast from the paradise island of of Jolly. As you know from our last broadcast, I was deported. Our attorneys are working feverishly with Mr Annutta Azhol from the U.S Department Of Citizenship And Immigration to clear this matter up as expeditiously as possible. Now for today’s guest. Miss LaLa Boomboom… welcome to Face The Negro.
LaLa: Thank you Daye. (Lala put her arms around Daye and gives him a kiss.)
Daye: (Daye is caught off guard. He takes a step back, grabs her hand and leads her to the interviewer chair.) Miss Boomboom is Jolly’s ambassador to the United States and is a former Miss International Jolly beauty contestant winner. Thanks for coming on Miss Boomboom. I want to start out by asking you how did you become Ambassdor from Jolly to the U.S.?
LaLa: (LaLa giggles.) Aww you know that Daye. You paid President Ian Forsale last night and he said I could be the US Ambassador. (Daye starts sweating and pours a glass of water. He hands the glass to LaLa and says, “You need a glass of water.”
LaLa: By the way big daddy, I just love your sandals!!
Daye gets up to end the interview, when he hears someone cursing and throwing things backstage. A crowd of men suddenly appears on the set. They are trying to hold something or someone back. As the crowd gets closer to Daye, the men in front peel away and standing before Daye is none other than Sapphire Daonlytruf Lyon, Daye’s wife.
Sapphire: Let me guess… Miss HaLa Boombag has a nail appointment at “So Deep In The Ground They’ll Never Find You ” and needs catch the next flight out so she misses it and she doesn’t plan on ever coming back… ain’t that right LaZo or whateva your name is? LaLa jumps up and runs to the exit. Daye is two steps behind her. Sapphire runs behind Daye and tackles him just before he can reach the door knob. She drags him back to the middle of the stage by his leg.
Daye: Honey let me explain..
Producer: Go get Still Arr and our insurance guy from Harmer’s. This looks like it’s gonna get ugly. Bring in our backup guest too..
Sapphire: Didn’t know I was going to be here.. Whack!! Whack !! Whack!!
Daye: Honey please.. ( Sapphire grabs Daye by the collar and lifts him off the floor. Daye has nothing to lose. When they were in college she use to tell him the reason she fell for him was because of his smile. Although the long years had since taken his real teeth, Daye had a $5000 set of the most beautiful dentures money could buy. He looked her straight in her eyes and with the biggest smile he could muster, showed her all 32 incredibly white gleaming pearls. Sapphire smiled back and suddenly without warning smacked them suckers clean out his mouth and across the stage floor. Without missing a beat, she ran over to those dentures on the floor and raised her foot so high, her knee touch her chin and then with all her might came down on them. The force was so great that teeth were thrown all the way to the back row of the audience. A few hit the ceiling fan, which embedded them in the walls and ceiling. By this time Still Arr and Mr Glass, the insurance guy from Harmer’s were there. The producer looked at Mr Glass and asked if those dentures were covered. Mr Glass said, at Harmers we know a thing or two because we’ve seen a thing or two, but we ain’t never seen no #@!! like that!! I will need to call our New York office. The men then looked around to see where Daye was. He was gone, but they knew he went out the exit because the rolling pin Sapphire had use on him was stuck in the door.
Producer: Go to commerical..
Still: Today is September 17th and you are watching “Face The Negro” with Still Arr. Daye Lyon will be back on our next show if we can find him. I like to take the time to apologize for the confusion. We pride ourselves on delivering to you, our audience, only the most hard hitting, back breaking, teeth popping news. I think we have done that. Now before we continue, our assistants will be coming down the aisles and we ask that anyone who has any of Daye’s teeth please put them in the bag our assistants will be carrying so that we can make a claim with our insurance, thank you.
Still: Today’s guest is Mr Wanabe Whyte, President of Uncle’s For Trump (UFT.) Thank you for being with us Mr Whyte.
Whyte: Thanks for having me Still.. and by the way, I like to remind the audience if they would like to get a pair of these Make America Great Again Sandals, with the signature red, white and blue rope soles and banana tassels, you can order them at our toll free number, 1- 800 Kiss Azz. Just mention the word “Backstabbing,” and receive an additional .0005 % off.
Still: ( Still stares at Whyte really, really hard and for a long, long time.) Well, thank you for that. Now, let’s get down to business. Mr Whyte is it true that the name your mama gave you was DeAndre Darkazhell and that in order for you to become President of “UFT,” you had to change it?
Whyte: That’s a black faced lie!!
Still: Mr. Whyte, we here at “Face The Negro” realize that some of the questions we poise to our guest can be distressing and we take that into account when our guest answers them, but if you say that again, I’m gonna snatch the unseasoned chicken right out yo azz and put some hot spicy black power on it. You understand?
Whyte: Yes sir.
Whyte: What I meant to say is that the question by a racially distinct person who coexists but is subordinate to a dominant person… is a deception and if by providence the sequence of nucleotides forming part of a chromosome, which determines the order of monomers in a polypeptide molecule which a cell may synthesize were bestowed on me, other than the ones I have, than I could have a certain racially distinct person suspended by a polyester, polypropylene or high performance fiber from the nearest perennial plant with elongated stems supporting branches and leaves. Afterwards I would express extreme happiness when the cell division of the racially distinct person stopped and express my emotions with language that is regarded as very informal.
Still: I see. Well in my state of awareness and in regards to Newton’s second law, which states that the force acting on a body is equal to the mass of the body multiplied by the acceleration of its centre of mass and in accordance with the physical properties of anatomy which make up my corporeal frame and which includes the muscles attached to my gluteus maximus and invoking a divine witness regarding my future action, I declare, in accordance with the equation F = ma, the basic equation of motion in classical mechanics, and with the appendix attached to my gluteus maximus known as the the tibilias posterior and the tibilias anterior, will I place that appendix in a particular position that the dominant person will find very awkward as soon as the measurement we call time intersects with our economic responsibility. Go to commercial…
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau admitted there could be more blackface and brownface images of him in a news conference Thursday.
Producer comes on stage: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I am afraid we will have to cut short this segment of “Face The Negro,” due to a stuck tibilias posterior and the tibilias anterior issue Still Arr has encountered. Please join us next time for more exciting news from Face The Negro.