Rill was feeling pretty good considering he had to spend the holidays in the hospital. It was good to be back at the bench. After they extracted the book, it was all downhill then. He didn’t even mind the time Uwantmo tried to have him arrested for impersonating a real man. He was glad they made up and had put that unfortunate event behind them.
Clerk: All rise for the honorable Rill Blak, Django Of The United States.
Rill: Be seated… Is the defense and prosecution ready?
Milyundolla: Yes your honor.. and we are ready for your ruling…
Prosecutor Uwantmo: Hi babyyyy. The prosecution is ready… and well… personally I just want to say how happy I am to see you seated again…
Rill: ( Rill stared down at his ruling.. was Uwantmo being genuine or was it a threat..) I have made my ruling and will allow Datt Mofo and Asonofa Mitch to take the stand.
Prosecutor Uwantmo: (singing…) Chestnuts roasting on an open fire… Jack Frost cutting off your hose..
Rill: WHAT??
Uwantmo: Nothing your honor…
Milyundolla: I call Asonofa Mitch to the stand…
Clerk: Please state your name for the record..
Mitch: I am Asonofa Mitch…
Clerk: Thank you.. take the stand..
Milyundolla: You are Asonofa Mitch… is that right..
Mitch: Yes sir…
Milyundolla: and is Datt Mofo your cousin?
Uwantmo: Your honor I object!! Datt Mofo is in another courtroom with Summo Bullshet and can’t be called to testify… They are accused of robbery…
Rill: Counselor did you know Datt Mofo was in another courtroom with Summo Bullshet?
Milyundolla: Your honor.. it’s true Datt Mofo is on trial with Sommo Bullshet.. but I ask for some leeway..
Uwantmo: (Singing..) On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to meeee..
Rill: I’ll let the objection stand…
Milyundolla: Ok… Asonofa Mitch… lets talk about Anutta Azhole… The prosecution says that you are not Asonofa Mitch.. but Asonofa Agunn’s brother… who is not related to Datt Mofo but instead is related to Dem Mofos!
Uwantmo: Your honor.. I object… where is the question? The prosecution has already agreed he is Asonofa Mitch..
Milyundolla: Your honor….
Rill: Counselors it’s getting close to lunchtime.. I’m going to recess and we’ll come back at one..
Clerk: Court is in recess until one o’clock…
******************************
K’ F’ Et Cee Le Poulet
Rill: I’m glad you decided to have lunch with me Iffa..
Iffa: I’m glad you asked!!
Waiter: Are you guys ready to order… Iffa? Is that you Iffa?? Oh my gawd!! It is you!!
Iffa: Oh my gawd!! Knottawon!! I haven’t seen you in ages!! How have you been?
Knottawon: ( Hugs Iffa) It’s so nice to see you again!! I’ve been working and doing somethings.. You are looking so good!! ….and who is this….haven’t introduced me to your friend..
Iffa: This is Judge Rill Black.. Rill this Knottawon… (the men shake hands..) guys look.. I need to freshen up.. be right back… ( Iffa goes to the ladies room..)
Knottawon: So you and Iffa huh.. (Knottawon smiles)
Rill: Yes.. I’m thinking about popping the question!
Knottawon: Well good for you!! I don’t know if I should tell you this… but she used to be my wife.. divorced a long time ago… She was the reason I changed my name.. She was looking for me for a long time after that… Fell out over a book… I gave her a book for Christmas and she just lost it!! She said if I went to sleep, I’d be sorry… Well I locked her in the bedroom thinking she would cool off by the morning. The next thing I knew, I was in the hospital.The doctor said 50/50… Just 50/50!!
Rill: My man!! What happened??? ( Just then the head waiter came to the table…)
Head Waiter: You have been at this table with these customers for quite some time.. We have other customers! If you want your job Mr. Leff.. you better see to them…
Rill: (Whispering..) what happened…
Knottawon: He was wrong…
Iffa: (Comes back….) Where did Knottawon go?
Rill: He Leff…
*********************************
Clerk: All rise for the honorable Rill Black, Django Of The United States.
Rill: Okay counselor, you can begin…
Milyundolla: We will pick up where we left off…
Uwantmo: Your honor my assistant, Jack Frost would like the court to rule on our last objection…
Rill: ( Rill thinks to himself.. he needs to take back control of his court…) Okay counselor.. so I’m offering this simple phrase… To kids from one to ninety-two… Although it’s been said many times, many ways….. “^%%$#@@!!!!
Uwantmo: YOUR HONOR!!!
Milyundolla: Oh my goodness… your honor….
Rill: Let’s move on counselors!!!
Milyundolla: Okay Asonofa Mitch…let’s talk about Anutta Azhol’s sister… Dasa Azhol. How long have you known Dasa Azhol?
Asonofa Mitch: I have known Dasa Azhol for a long time..
Milyundolla: … and how did you meet?
Asonofa Mitch: I meet her at the Dollar Store… I stopped in to get a soda and some chips.. as I was going to the counter.. she ran in front of me with a couple of carts full of stuff.. I had to wait almost 30 minutes before they finished… I was mad as hell.. when I got to the counter I told the cashier about what happened.. She said she does that all the time.. I said.. who does she think she is? The cashier said.. Dasa Azhol. I said Dasa Azhol? The cashier said yep.. I thought to myself… I wonder… I know Anutta Azhol.. I wonder if they are related.. I ran out and introd…
Uwantmo: I object your honor… The court is not interested in how many Azhols, Asonofa Mitch knows…
Rill: I agree.. objection sustained…
Milyundolla: Your honor may I approach the bench… (Rill waves him forward.. Uwantmo joins them..)
Milyundolla: Your honor.. I can’t defend my client properly without Datt Mofo… I respectfully ask the court for a continuance
Uwantmo: Your honor my esteemed colleague knows Datt Mofo is before another judge with Summo Bullshet..
Rill: (Rill raises his hand…) I want Trumpett.. I mean I want Trumpett to have a fair trial.. I will give you a week counselor…
**************************************
Meanwhile in courtroom 69C
(After a brief disturbance between the Clerk and Datt Mofo.. court resumes… )
Defense: Your honor I call Datt Mofo to the stand..
Clerk: Mofo put yo hand on dis book… cause I swear to gawd if you don’t…
Datt Mofo: I do..
Clerk: Be seated..
Defense: Okay I want to go back to the events of December 7th.. can you tell me what happened?
Datt: Mofo: I was just walking and minding my business when I decided to go get a soda.. I stopped at Dats Rite and while I was there I asked Unoe Damwell if he had seen Sommo Bullshet. He said no but Dem Mofo’s with Somudda Bullshet had left a little earlier with Dee Thang.
Defense: Who is Somudda Bullshet?
Datt Mofo: Somudda Bullshet was with Dee Thang. Dee Thang was ready to get off on Dem Mofos and Summo Bullshet.
Defense: I see.. So it was Dee Thang with Somudda Bullshet that robbed Dem Mofos and Summo Bullshet… anybody else?
Datt Mofo: Unoe Damwell..
Unoe Damwell: THAT’S A LIE!!
Judge: Order!! Order in the court!!.. continue counselor..
Defense: I have no more questions your honor.. your witness…
Prosecutor: So let me get this straight.. Unoe Damwell, Somudda Bullshet with Dee Thang robbed Dem Mofos and Summo Bullshet?
Datt Mofo: That’s right..
Prosecutor: Or is it you saying that because you want to go back to court with a Milyundolla and Anutta Azhols sister?
Datt Mofo: No!! No!!
Prosecutor: STOP LYING!! UNOE DAMWELL DASA AZHOL, AND SOMUDDA BULLSHET WAS NOT WITH DEE THANG !!!! IT WAS YOU AND SUMMO BULLSHET THAT ROBBED DEM MOFOS !!!!
Datt Mofo: NO!! NO!!
Defense: Your honor please!!
Judge: Okay this looks like a good time to stop.. We will start again Monday..
Clerk: Court dismissed… except for Datt Mofo!!…. You was talking bout my momma.. naw @!!$$$^^
The West Virginia Daily Rag
Trumpet Trial Continues.. Datt Mofo Called A Liar…
By Runeng Yomoff
Obamaber 32, 2270
A courtroom brawl broke out today when Datt Mofo said the Clerks momma was so old… that when she was young rainbows came in black and white. After a brief recess Datt Mofo took the stand. The defense made some points according to knowledgeable sources when they introduce reasonable doubt by bringing up Sumudda Bullshet. He was allegedly there with Dee Thang. However on cross examination the prosecutor hammered away at Datt Mofo, as he momentarily lost control when she accused him of wanting to be in court with a Milyundolla and Anutta Azhols sister. Meanwhile Judge Blak was frowned upon when he offered Prosecutor Uwantmo a simple phrase to her objection. When asked about his response to Uwantmo’s objection, the judge said he meant to say Merry Christmas. The next court date is bound to be exciting as our sources say the alleged gangster Kessa Myazz is gonna be on the stand. Myazz is serving a life sentence for telling Trumpett that “A” is the first letter of the alphabet. The administration has a bill moving through congress that wants to make the letter “T” the first alphabet but has not been passed into law yet. Nancy Pelosi XX has an opposing bill that makes using the letter “T” a capital offense. Neither bill is expected to make it pass both houses without concessions. WV Senator Joe Mandown says he will not sign either bill unless the letter “J” is second. The court is expected to reconvene next week.
Courtroom 1:
Judge: Rill Blak
Prosecutor: Iffa Uwantmo
Defense: Milyundolla
Defendants: Trumpett, Datt Mofo, Sommo Bullshet
Courtroom 69C
Defendants: Datt Mofo, Sumudda Bullshet, Dee Thang, Unoe Damwell
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