Senate Aide: Senator Lowheffer, there is a black man getting ready to run against you to take your senate seat. People are saying it’s a good chance you could be defeated. He has a lot of followers.
Loeffler: Oh really? Mail him one of our anonymous standard death threats… hold on…on second thought mail him one of the special death threats… one of the ones with the misspellings… but make sure the “N” word is spelled correctly … tape it to his burned out car…
Senate Aide: But Senator his car is not burned out… Ohhhh… Okay!!!
Kelly Lowheffer.. I mean Kelly Loeffler… is a senator from Georgia who was seated by Georgia Governor Brian Kemp in 2019. The seat was vacated by Johnny Isakson who they say retired for health reasons. Soooo…. I don’t want to be the one who propagates unsubstantiated rumors but imma have to do a Wendy Williams on this here. I think Americans should know. Georgia has been more or less red for the last 50 or so years. There have been a few hiccups, like when the state went blue for Georgia son Jimmy Carter in 1977 and when in 1992 they chose good ole boy Bill Clinton over the pot smoking H.W Bush who famously said “I have tried marijuana but I didn’t inhale.” Well to put it mildly… those redneck conservative Georgians wasn’t going for no pot smoking, Latina marrying, former hippie from Texas, nevermind the fact that at the age of eighteen, HW enlisted in the Navy and became one it’s most youngest pilots. Anywho, Georgia like most red states has a special affinity for the Second Amendment. “The only way you gonna take my gun is out of my cold dead hand.” Just between us, I heard that there’s a lot of cold dead hands in Georgia too, but we will leave that story for another time. So back to Isakson and the toes he stepped on or should I say stomped on in the bible carrying, gun toting conservative bastion of the antebellum south. On abortion he often showed support for a women’s right to choose and repeatedly identified himself as pro-life with exceptions. Stomp!! Stomp!! That’s the big toe on the left foot. A lot of conservatives are against abortion and would rather pick their nose with a shotgun than to uphold a woman’s right to choose. In 2017 he stomped on the right big toe when during the spate of school shooting he did not support campus carry. The right of school educators to arm themselves and carry guns into classrooms. So now with conservative Georgia hobbling around on its hurting feet, somebody told the senator, “I think it’s about time you retire because of health reasons… no really… before your health is affected….” In December 2019 he resigned his seat for health reasons. Officially they say the senator resigned because of Parkinson’s… but some people were pointing to the get well cards and flowers he received after his acceptance speech… Enter Kelly Loeffler. Loeffler was born in Bloomington Illinois. She is fifty years old. Her parents were corn and soybean farmers. She graduated from the University of Illinois at Urbana obtaining her BS in… naw I ain’t gonna do it… she graduated from the University of Illinois at Urbana with a Bachelor of Science in marketing and later attended DePaul University’s Graduate School of Business where she obtained an MBA in international finance and marketing. So her biography says she financed her MBA diploma with land mortgaged from land her grandmother left her. So it’s nothing wrong with paying for your education with an inheritance left for you by your family. It only becomes a problem when when you say you was a waitress and paid for it that way… when the real reason was they told you to pay us right now or we gonna sell your land and put up a black owned Popeyes that gives away free Trump For Prison bumper stickers with an order of a chicken wing and two biscuits… “I’ll be right down sir..”
After earning her MBA she went to work for various multinational companies and finally ended up at Intercontinental Exchange, where she married the firm’s CEO, Jeffrey Sprecher… now.. imma leave that alone because there is just some shat you don’t wanna mess with… you could end up having lawyers and possibly doctors at your door…. so we just gonna move on… In 2018 she became CEO of Bakkt, a subsidiary of Intercontinental Exchange…hmmm. Bakkt is also a Fortune 500 company as is Intercontinental Exchange. A Fortune 500 company is a company that is on the Fortune Magazine’s a list of 500 of the largest corporations in America rank by revenue. It was started in 1955 and is the measure of the gross sales or services of a company. Walmart rank number one with revenues of $524 billion in 2020. Amazon was second with $282.5 billion and and a little company called Huntington Bancshares came in last with $5 billion. Huntington is a bank holding company and originates loans for the Small Business Administration. Originates means they are the ones who prepare and checks the paperwork of the buyer and presents their findinding to the lender. There are different types of loan originators but this is what this company does. Getting a little bit off track here… so back to Loeffler the Magnificent. In 2011 Loeffler and a partner brought the WNBA team, the Atlanta Dream. You might have seen her sitting on the side telling the coach what to do.. yeah I know some people said that she took an active part in the game and that the coach and her would analyze the first half together… yeah right… and imma black tobacco spitting Alabama redneck. Anyways controversy started the first day she accepted the senate seat. She resigned her position with Bakkt and they gave her $9 million dollars. When she was called out for it, a spokesman for the company said “she left millions in equity compensation behind” by joining the Senate. Man are you really gonna hit us with that playa… if you leave two million dollars and twenty cents behind… that’s still millions in equity right? Mister please… back in the day if you came up here with that game your face would end up on a carton of milk. Anyway there were also questions as to why pick Princess Loeffler to fill the senate seat. Could it have anything to do with the fact that her husband owns the New York Stock Exchange or that he gave $1,000,000 to a Trump 2020 reelection super PAC? OMG!! Where did I get such vile thoughts? Well I just want to say that if I see someone putting carrots in the macaroni and cheese.. I mention something about somebody being cool and they want to give them their coat.. than it’s a safe bet to say that ain’t now a skin cell in dey family come from anywhere near the continent of Africa. Kelly Loeffler calls herself the most conservative senator in the congress. She is the only senator that has voted with President Trump one hundred percent of the time.
Reporter: Senator Loheffer… is it true that you have never seen the Hollywood Access Tape where the president is bragging about grabbing somebody by their private parts?
President: No she hasn’t…
Reporter: Senator some people say you paid for your senate seat and will do whatever you are told… what do you have to say about that?
Senator: Mr. President?
President: No comment…
Reporter: Look… the American people want straight answers Senator.. you said that the Covid pandemic is a fake scheme cooked up by elite liberals to force the country into socialism.. do you still feel that way?
Senator: Cough!! Cough!! Hack!! Spit!! Faint!! Cough!! Cough!!
President: I’ll answer that.. Cough!! cough!! … Yes she does…
Lol… You know it would be funny if it wasn’t true. Loeffler was asked about the Hollywood Access Tapes and she said, “I am not familiar with that..” When confronted with the Bob Woodward tapes, she said it was fake news. So how much does a million dollar seat buy? It buys your absolute @###!! loyalty!! I don’t care if your ass in on fire. If the presidents says your ass is not on fire, you rather stand there and burn to a crisp before you disagree with him. You know Loeffler was not the Presidents pick. He wanted Doug Collins. The Georgia conservatives wanted Doug Collins. But Collin’s was sorta like some of the Covid vaccines. He only has a ninety one percent efficacy rate. In 2017 the the American Conservative Union (Georgia State legislature aka the Good Ole Boys) gave him a 91% evaluation. Loeffler has a one hundred percent efficacy rate. If Collin’s tells the president, “Sir people say my ass is on fire..” Then the presidents says “no it’s not..” Since Collin’s has a lower efficacy rating he might say something like, “Well sir, it’s mighty hot back there and I see a lot of light..” Then the president has to say, “Ignore it.” That’s a ninety one percent rating… A hundred percent efficacy rating will say, “What fire…?” So Collin’s didn’t get the job. Loeffler has received “A” ratings from both the National Rifle Association and Gun Owners of America. In fact I heard she was a distant relative of Dick Cheney. While she was out hunting for liberals in one of those communist sanctuary cities, she accidently shot a fellow hunter in the groin and he lost them. She ran to his side and cradled his head in her lap and said… “Mitch, I’m sorry…”
White House Briefing:
Speaker: Our spies have just returned from China and cough!! cough!! hack!! hack!! found out there is a deadly contagious virus … cough!! cough!! hack!! hack!!.. loose. While it hasn’t reached the cough!! cough!! hack!! hack!! American shores yet we should be cough!! cough!! faint…
Loheffer: (Pulls out her cell phone..) Hello.. Hello??
Stock Broker: Cough!! cough!! hack!! hack!! … Hello?
Loheffer: Bernie I want you to sell all my stocks in casinos and hotels… cough!! cough!! hack!! hack!!..don’t tell anybody but there is a virus coming from China…
Bernie: Cough!! cough!! hack!! hack!! Is it here yet?
Loheffer: No, cough!! cough!! hack!! hack!! but I want to be prepared..
Bernie: Okay.. cough!! cough!! hack!! hack!! but I got to go.. the warden is coming…. faint….
So early in January, on January 24th to be precise, Loeffler and her husband began selling stock that was vulnerable to the Covid pandemic. The value they sold was around seven million dollars worth. They dumped casino and hotel stocks allegedly.. never know who’s reading this… as a matter of fact everything in this article is allegedly… Loheffer: “Boy my attorneys are gonna scramble your eggs on the kitchen floor and cook your toast in the dishwasher if you keep $##@! with me!!” Anywho, I mentioned the 24th because that was the same day she received a confidential briefing by the Committee on Health, Education, Labor & Pensions on the spread of the disease, before the public had been told. They dumped stocks the same day in 27 different companies and bought stocks worth between $450,000 and $1 million in other companies. One of the stocks they invested in was Citrix, which develops remote collaboration software.. Hill1news.. what is collaboration software? Do tell… Collaboration software is software that helps people accomplish things… like video chat. This is not the first time Princess Loeffler has gotten in trouble with the Feds. Her and her husband were accused of insider trading violations when they sold up to $18 million before the 2020 stock market crash. When Covid first hit the U.S, the stock market took a dive. The crash was the fastest fall in global stock markets in financial history and the most devastating crash since the Wall Street Crash of 1929. Twenty nine had people jumping off of buildings with their ticker tape machines in their hands. It was straight up The Happening type shat. I need to tell you that if you are squeamish, I don’t suggest you look at the link… no really… In May of 2020 the Justice Department closed the investigation and the Senate dismissed the complaint writing to Loeffler, “Based on all the information before it, the Committee did not find evidence that your actions violated federal law, Senate Rules or standards of conduct.”
So I don’t want my eggs scrambled on the kitchen floor, so imma leave it alone. In another run in with the FEDs Loeffler asked for donations to her campaign. She was doing an interview at the US Capitol at the time. It is illegal to ask for donations on federal property. Ain’t heard about that no more. Because Georgia election law requires that the winner takes over fifty percent of the vote to win, a runoff was scheduled with the two leading candidates. She is running against Raphael Warnock, a pastor and political activist. One more thing… Warnock is black. Now whenever you got a black man running against a white women in Georgia, hardware stores all over the state sell out of rope, white twin sheets sell for $50 a piece and all Popeyes and Bojangles are boarded up. Lol.. Loeffler has received endorsements from a fellow Georgian named Marjorie Taylor Greene. Greene won the U.S. Representative-elect seat for Georgia’s 14th congressional district. Georgia’s 14th is 85% white and 10% black, with the other races rounding out the rest of the seat. Latinos represent a larger voting block than blacks in the 14th as they make up almost 12% of the population. Now I ain’t gonna say Marjorie is a racist, I’m just gonna say if you black and you go see her… be sure to bring your shoe polish. Greene has been called out for her racist comments against Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib saying they were part of an “Islamic invasion of our government.” As for black Live Matter her position is call the police.. She is the real thing.. Her comments on black people, Muslims and Jews are routinely denounced by Republican House leaders and the Republican Jewish Coalition. So when Loeffler was asked, “Are you going to accept her endorsement being that she advocates QAnon theories and has been known to make racist comments?” Loeffler said she doesn’t know about QAnon and everything else is fake media. They got their money’s worth.. believe me… she is a one hundred percent all natural. So we are almost at the end of this article, but I wanted to share one more thing. A couple of weeks ago the senator came down with Covid after attending a rally with the maskless superspreaders. She did go into quarantine and was able to attend the debate. She lives in a $10 million house in Atlanta, which was the largest real estate transaction ever recorded in Atlanta history, her and her husbands combined wealth is estimated to be around $800 million, making her the richest senator in Congress and she flies around in a multi-million dollar Bombardier Challenger 300 private jet. No wonder they love her.. what’s not to like. They have so much in common….
Please come back for Part II of “A Matter Of Choice,” where we will examine why David Perdue the former de-segregationist and now Trump surrogate and Georgia U.S senator is acting the way he is. That’s right.. David used to be on our side…