Truth Or Lie: Episode VI

Rill glanced furtively at the mirror and noticed the small grey hairs hiding in his once full mane. It had been almost two years since what history would call the Trumpet Incident had taken place and for which he was incarcerated. How could he have imagined they would do that? (Guard bangs on the cell door with his baton.) “No thinking about that!! ” Rill nods and then walks over to the cardboard box in his cell and pours a cup of sugar water. He can feel the heat of the sun coming through the bullet holes in his wall. He settles on the bed and stares at the calendar thinking how time flies. It had only been a year since the “Great Ass Whipping of 2029,” when Senate Majority Leader, Rich McCockroach passed legislation ending Social Security. Hundreds of protesters stormed the U.S Capitol and dragged him out, as hundreds more chanted, Whip His Ass!! Whip His Ass!! After a weeklong manhunt they finally found his glasses and dozens of belts and extension cords in front of the Popeye’s on New York Ave. (Guard bangs on the cell door with his baton.) “No thinking about that!! “Rill nods and starts thinking… if each cockroach has eight legs, how many legs would all the cockroaches in the black site have, if you added them all together. The guard nods and smiles. Suddenly Rill hears a sharp sound like the clicking of someone heels. He hears voices outside and then the door opens. It’s Warden Yule Nevaleev Heahalive.

Heahalive: Come with me prisoner U69. (Rill never understood why the warden used his numerical designation. As far as he could tell all the prisoners had the same number.)

The guard entered the cell and tells Rill to turn around and put his hands on the wall. He then unplugs the mind probe sticking out the side of Rill’s head. The guard then tells Rill to “Assume the position!!” “Get ready for forward motion!!” Rill gets down on his hands and knees. The guard then taps Rill on the back and commands “Left hand move forward!!.. Stop!! Right hand move forward!! Stop!! Left leg move forward!! Stop!!….

Heahalive: Guard, what is your rank?

Guard: Sir, I’m Boss Hoss 2nd Thread Class with Shrub Button.

Heahalive: You are doing a great job Boss Hoss, but I am in a hurry. Prepare the prisoner for Executive Motion Level One. (EMLO)

Guard: Yes Sir!! Prisoner… prepare for Executive Motion Level One!!

Rill jumps up and runs to the black box on the outside of his cell. The guard yells “Open!!” Inside the box is an envelope. Rill grabs the envelope. The guard yells “Tear!!” Rill rips the envelope open. Inside is a picture of Donald Trumpet tied to a chair in the warden’s office. On a table beside him is an Ebony Magazine, a 40 ounce Colt 45 and a bull whip. The guard yells’ Execute!!” Rill drops the envelope and runs as fast as he can to the warden’s office.

Heahalive: Great job Boss Hoss!! If you keep up the good work and keep your nose clean, who knows, you could make Boss Master 1st Rope Class with Tree Insignia someday!!

Guard: (Smiling..) Yes Sir!!!

Rill burst through the wardens door with extreme anticipation and looks around. The Warden and Boss Hoss comes in behind him.

Heahalive: Sit down Rill. I have some news for you.

Rill: It’s the first time Rill has heard someone else say his name since the fight with Akay and his boys. Rill raises his hand and the warden says “Speak!” Why did you bring me here?

Heahalive: The warden tells Boss Hoss to leave the room. Rill I have to keep up appearances. I am sorry I had to treat you like that. Donald Trumpet has been arrested for treason and is on his way here. President Harris has issued you a full pardon and ordered your immediate release. Rill jumps up and grabs the warden by the neck!! The warden yells “Wait!! Wait!!” Rill smacks Heahalive across the face twice.

Rill: Your name is Toby!! What’s your name?

Heahalive: My name is Toby!! My name is Toby!!

Boss Hoss rushes in after hearing the commotion..

Boss Hoss: What in the middle of the African jungle and naked swinging porch monkeys is going on here!! Rill pounces on Boss Hoss, knocks him to the floor and smacks him across the lips twice..

Rill: Your name is Cleefus!! What’s your name!! Boss Hoss looks at the warden who is on his hands and knees with a 40 ounce Colt 45 and an Ebony magazine on his back.

Boss Hoss: My name is Cleefus. (Rill smacks Boss Hoss again.)

Rill: I didn’t tell you to speak!! (Cleefus raises his hand..)

Rill: Speak!!

Kleefus: My name is Cleefus massa.. (Rill smacks Cleefus again.)

Rill: Smile when you look at me!! Cleefus smiles…

Rill walks over to the wardens desk and puts his feet up. As he contemplates the many ways he is about to break these men’s @!!## soul’s, he sees a vanilla folder marked Urgent. He takes his feet off the desk and gets ready to read the folder, but then sees Cleefus violating a prison rule. He jumps up and runs over to Cleefus and smacks him twice across the lips.

Rill: I saw that fly land on you!! Did I say you could have friends come over!! Speak!!

Cleefus: No massa. I didn’t invite him to land on me. He came here without my permission. Rill smacks Cleefus again.

Rill: I’m the only one who can give out permission!! (Rill decides not to pursue the matter because he is interested in the folder marked Urgent. He needs time to study the material but can’t watch the two men and look at the folder too. He decides to order the men to “Half Sleep.” When the order Half Sleep is given, the men go to sleep with one eye open.)

Rill: Half Sleep!! ( Rill walks over to make sure one eye is opened in case he needs them. He then kicks both men in the groin and they raise their hands. He nods approvingly, satisfied they are in Half Sleep.)

Rill goes back to the desk and opens the folder. It reads:

From The Office Of the HNIC



October 5, 2030

Warden Yule Nevaleev Heahalive is ordered to release Rill Black and all other political prisoners incarcerated by Donald Trumpet immediately. It is furthered ordered by the President, that Rill Black is to assume the newly created cabinet post, “Django Of The United States. (DOUS)” He is to assume full control over Fort Hannity and is hereby awarded the rank of “Prime Plantation Homie with Golden Chicken and Cornbread Rope Necklace.” The DOUS will take immediate charge of the traitor Donald Trumpet and will hold a trial at the earliest convenience. Your office is to afford the DOUS every privilege and honor according to his rank.

Sincerely, Imblaker Denu,

HNIC Of The United States of America

Rill couldn’t believe his luck. He needed Toby right now.

Rill: Toby!! Eye Open!! Toby raises his hand. Speak!!

Toby: Yes massa..

Rill: Assemble all the men in the mess hall for an announcement!! Toby raises his hand. Speak!!

Toby: Yes massa.. what about Cleefus?

Rill: Put my 40 ounce and Ebony on his back. I will read it later. Toby raises his hand. Speak!!

Toby: yes massa. (Toby then leaves to assemble the men.)

Rill sits back in the wardens chair and puts his feet on the desk. Donald Trumpet is on his way here and I have been put in charge of the trail. That calls for a drink. He looks over at Cleefus and gives the command.

Rill: Eye Open!! Executive Crawl!! Cleefus raises his hand. Speak!!

Cleefus: yes massa. Cleefus crawls over near Rill. Rill puts a glass on his back, opens the 40 and pours a drink. Gulp, gulp gulp… Rill hasn’t had a drink in two years and thinks how good it is... but it’s time to go..

Rill: Half Sleep!! Cleefus raises his hand. Speak!!

Cleefus: yes massa..

Rill gets up, opens the door and starts heading to the mess hall. As he passes his cell, he looks in and orders the guard to remove the cardboard box and sugar water.

Rill: He looks sternly at the guard and says, “This is not the Waldorf Astoria!!” He smiles to himself and thinks… it’s going to be a good day…


3 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. Truth Or Lie: Episode VII – Hill1News
  2. Truth Or Lie: Episode VIII – Hill1News
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